Friday, May 1, 2009

I think that I'm back...

Ok, I know that I've seriously sucked at keeping this blog up the past few months now, and I want to apologize. It's been a little insane and I've been a lot overwhelmed but I think that I'm starting to settle in again.

I started doing my tracking for Weight Watchers again this week and that seemed to help me a lot, as crazy as it seems. It actually helps me start to feel in control again. I worked out 3 times this week, but it was hard, not a worked out but didn't break a sweat... I did the elliptical, I jogged, and I worked out with my trainer, William. He's awesome. He reminds me a lot of the athletes I worked with while I was still working at the college level. He's a good kid - Sorry William... it's true. He keeps me motivated and he really pushes me during our sessions.

It's during those sessions that I don't have to worry about anything else but getting the set done. I don't have to worry about trying to get shows, or how to pay for the school my kids just got into, or what to make for dinner, or how many friggin loads of clothes I have to do when I get home. I go to the gym and I'm there for me. I've been working out with a trainer for 56 sessions now and I am the exact same weight as I started?!

I would work out and then I come home and eat... whatever the hell I wanted. WHY!? I worked for more than 2 yrs to lose over 60lbs and once I got into my size 10 jeans, I stopped. I don't know why. It wasn't really planned. I just got comfortable. So now, I decided that I need to find some control. I need to get things done... my poor husband has been looking at an almost done bathroom for more than 2 yrs now! Sorry babe! He actually put a hault on all projects. I am not allowed to start any new projects or demolitions until the molding and painting and everything is finally done. Can't really say I blame him.

My mom thinks that I'm afraid to finish these things. She thinks that I won't know what to work on after I finally reach my weight goal, finish my bathroom, etc. I've been working so long to get somewhere that maybe she's right... what will I focus on then? Well, this week I decided that I'm going to give it a try. I'm going to finish what I started. I'm going to show my girls that when you make a commitment you have to follow through.

I'm going to actually take some pressure off my shoulders and let myself focus on something else. I think that I could really be a great business person once I get my feet under me. I know I can finish the 5k I signed up for in October. I want to be involved in my kids school when they start in September. I need to pull it all together.

Summer is going to be here soon and I don't want to miss it. I'm so afraid that I'm going to fill the days with projects and chores and stupid shit, like I always do and miss those amazing times with my little girls and absolutely amazing husband. I'm committing myself... now watch and see what happens!!

I can't wait to see either....

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