Thinking...

The other day I was coming out of a doctor's appointment and got stuck waiting as a long funeral procession  passed. I don't know if I'm strange, but whenever I see this, or see people piling into a funeral home, I always wonder what would happen if I passed away?

I mean, I know there's the uncertainty of the kids and I'm guessing that my husband would miss me... and my family, but I wonder about other people. I wonder about the students that I work with everyday at the school. Would they miss my "motivation speeches" and words of wisdom? Would my colleagues miss my input and my hardwork? Have I spent enough time with my friends while my life grows more and more hectic?

Would people actually take time out of their busy lives to even come and say a last goodbye? I know this sounds depressing and I'm not trying to be... I honestly think about this all the time. I think it makes me want to make a difference; an impact. I have so many things that I want to do. I have so many lives still that I want to change.

I still NEED to get to work on making it possible for all of the people who receive meals on wheels to get a card... a simple little card to say that someone cares, on holidays and their birthday. I want to help with the food pantries. I want to become a teacher so I have an even greater impact on some of those kids looking for direction. I don't worry about the ones who live in the guidance office, checking out the colleges they've grown up hearing about, getting their grades, earning their letters.

I worry about the ones who fold up their papers, put away their books, and pull their hoods on. I worry about the kids who are going to college for a major that their parents want them to get; knowing they will almost certainly drop out for lack of interest or motivation to continue. I worry about the kids who are searching for something to grab onto and can't quite find the rope.

It's funny. When I was in college or even in the early years of "Life"... married, house, job, dogs. I thought I knew what I wanted and where I needed to be to get there and then about 7yrs ago all of that changed. I found out that I was pregnant and for the first time in my life, I wasn't the center of my world. I feel like I need to make a difference to make my kids world better... to make my world better. To just make things better.

So sitting in my car, I wondered... have I made a difference?