Regrets

"Regret the things you don't do, not the things you do"

I have no idea who said it. I have to be honest, I read it on someone's Facebook status last week, but I can't get it out of my head.

I have a problem where I can remember a LOT of things that I've done wrong in my life. When I've said something that hurt someone's feelings. When I've done something that should NOT have been done. I wish that I had the time to make a list that would cover all of my regrets and say I'm sorry to all of the people that I've hurt. I think there was a show about it, right? Earl something or other... I should Google it, but I'm not in the mood.

I've said some really stupid shit in my day. I've been downright mean... why?? I don't know. Most of the time, I can say it was defensive. I have a way of lashing back with some pretty fucked up stuff... I guess it's a perk of growing up with 3 brothers. I couldn't fight but I could talk.

I apologize for the language tonight. I'm stressed. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm a little scared. I just want some time off... I think I need some time off. I need money... I need a way to make more money that is. I'm leaving it in God's hands right now.

I know that might sound corny to people. Hell, a while back I would have read that and called the person who wrote it an idiot. I don't mean that I'm going to sit back and do nothing, but instead, I'm going to do the best I can. I'm going to continue to do the "right thing". I'm going to continue to try to improve myself, my family, my community. I'm going to continue to pray. I'm going to continue to believe that I can make a difference, that I can help create change, that I am showing my girls to never give up.

I'm stressed.

I want to go for a run.

I want to eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Late Night Snack Ice Cream!

I want to go to sleep.

What the hell is my problem??

I keep looking at my Positivity bracelet. I love this thing.

Sadly, in the past few weeks, it's been my ground. You know when people are trying to break a habit so they wear a rubber band on their wrist and snap it when they get an urge or something... well, it's like that. When I start to get upset, frustrated, or even scared. I look at it and it grounds me. I don't know why. I think it just reminds me that things can always be worse.

I am so blessed. I mean, seriously blessed! I think I'm going to go lay on the couch and think about my blessings...