Tuesday, August 19, 2008

What Makes You Believe?

I can't sleep for some reason tonight, so I decided to do some of my blog hopping. I went to The Girl Loves to Talk and read a story about a couple who were severely injured in a plane crash. Another pilot on the plane was killed. He was a father of four older children, 13-25yrs. The couple have 4 small children, although I am not sure of their ages.

It's an awful story. They were both loving, caring, devoted individuals. VERY faithful mormons, apparently. The family is so upbeat. They are talking about how there is a purpose one way or the other and seem to be hopeful; almost eager. The couple has improved from critical patients to burn patients, and I can say that my prayers are with them.

My question is What Makes You Believe? I was never a religious individual. Growing up, I went through the motions, baptism and first communion in the Catholic church, then confirmation in the Episcopal church. I was even an acolyte in the church, but never really religious. I would even tell people, to the horror of my grandmother, that I was an aetheist. I don't think I ever really was an aetheist... possibly an agonistic, but still didn't really have anything to believe in.

It wasn't until I had my children that I started to believe something greater than me, or my husband, or the world, could possibly exist. But, when tragedy struck my family a year and a half ago, I wasn't looking for guidance of the church or the "purpose" behind it. I was looking for "WHY?". Why would something so horrible happen to someone I love? It was tough to believe that anything would want this to happen. That something awful happens for a reason. That in the end, it would all work out. So, what makes you keep believing?

1 comment:

Jenny said...

When I was a little girl, all I was told is that there is a God and it is everywhere. There were four reason's that I went to a church growing up (usually catholic)

1. Weddings
2. Baptisms/Christenings
3. My grandmother took me because she was sure I was going to hell because I had never been baptised
4. To sing in the chior, I made friends with a girl who sang in the choir and I love to sing, it was great, my favorite song to sing in the church was Kierer Eliason (probably spelled that wrong!)

As a teenager I discoverd Wicca, thought that was cool and became an independent practioner in my bedroom. It made sense to me to believe in the power of mother nature because I connected with nature at such a deep level.

At the age of 19, my world was turned upside down by a number of events that got me into a "I belive the Universe sucks mode" It took me until the age of 25 to snap out of that along with years of a miserable life, depression and disappointment.

For me it was, change my thinking and beliefs or disappear off the face of the earth. So I was lucky enough to change. That was my miracle moment.

I can't even explain exactly what happened, I call it a spiritual break. I had finally decided that believing in nothing was killing me from the inside out and that I figured I would take one last risk and try to believe in the universe again.

My step mother taught me how to pray. She told me that she prayed to the Patron Saint of hopeless cases, St. Jude when she was feeling hopeless. She gave me a little prayer card and I started asking, in my mind for St. Jude to help me. It didn't happen over night, but after some practice, my thinking started to change from negative to positive.

My therapist also helped me, she asked me to visualize the planet earth being "carried" by the universe. I did that. Then she asked me to visualize me on the planet earth, I did that. Then she asked me if I could visualize myself being carried by the universe, I could do that.

Between St. Jude, my visions of being carried by the universe and my willingness to be open minded my thinking had improved.

I hear what your saying when you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

My answer to that comes from my Buddhist studies and practice which came shortly after St. Jude and the visulaizations.

Buddha said "Chaos is inherent in all compounded beings, strive on with dilligence" I love this quote. If we can accept that as human beings chaos is always going to arise, then we can embrace it and move with it rather than against it. To have a chaos free life is to be dead, I am happy being alive.

One thing of many that I have come to accept is that we all have our own journey. Some of us are here for a short while and some of us are here for a long while. Does that make it easy when we lose a loved one, or someone who is here for a long while is not living a life that is true to themselves? No.

And before I start sounding to preachy here, the last thing I want to say is that the more you practice believing in the process of living on the universes terms, the easier time you will have as you walk across the planet.

Open your heart and mind, take a moment to sit in quiet, (even if the tiolet is the only time and place this can happen) We have to start somewhere..... and listen. Listen to what your heart is telling you. Does it want you to slow down, does it want you to reach out to someone in need, does it want you to go and eat a piece of chocolate, does it want you to take a moment to be grateful, does it want you to get out and move your body, does it want you to go out on a date with your hubby , does it want you to take your kids outside in the rain and let then dance barefoot in the mud puddles, does it want you to forgive yourself nd others? If you can truly stop and listen to your heart, you will always find the answers. May take a while, but they will come

Now that I am 31, and I think about what my mom told me about God, that God is everywhere, I realize that maybe that was all I needed to know about God.

Take that a little deeper and ponder this thought: -You are God- -You are the Universe and the Universe is you-

We are perfectly imperfect beings wandering in a perfectly imperfect universe that lives inside your heart and lives everywhere.

You are beautiful Tee, I am so glad you are wandering this chaotic universe with me.........